When something goes wrong, 100% of the time, people ask themselves
“Where have I gone wrong?”
“Am I not good enough?”
A few months back Michelle met me with these questions. She was going through a painful divorce. She interpreted her experience and the meaning she made of it is – She is not a mother, hence she is not good enough for marriage.
Having gone through 2 miscarriages and blessed with 2 beautiful children, I tell you this – Producing children alone does not make you a mother & motherhood alone cannot define who you are.
It is heartening to see how even the most educated and privileged women sometimes fall for this. Being a daughter, sister, friend, wife, daughter-in-law, motherhood, Career woman, could be an amazing journey but it is not necessary that you wear all the badges. Sometimes you are unable to due to circumstances and sometimes it could be a choice. That does not make you any less woman than the other.
You see, we are conditioned by our education, society and culture. We are programmed to subscribe to certain “Norms” and belief systems.
It does take a clear head and stubborn courage to tide against the waves. For some of us, that’s the only way to discover ourselves.
Michelle moved back to her country and is rediscovering herself professionally. On the personal front, she understands she does not need to wear pre-approved badges to feel she is good enough.
No one except you can define you who you are and who you want to be.