Starting a new relationship is much easier than maintaining a relationship, exclaimed one of my clients, Priya (name changed to protect privacy) who works as an Airhostess. Her 5 years long relationship with her boyfriend is going through testing times. Same is the case with Riya who is a Project Manager at one of the fortune 500 companies, however in this case it is her Mother-in-law.
I have seen many people struggle with relationship problems including me. Yes, I have been there!
So what makes these relationships challenging?
Well, mostly the other person! – we would like to believe. (Grrrrr)
But the problem is not as superficial as it looks. However, I will reserve that topic for another time. I want to focus on helping you look at resolving these problems that are not helping you breathe.
We, humans, are social beings and Relationships are one of the most important aspects of our life. Be it Romantic Relationship, Family, Friends, Parenting, or Social Relationships, they contribute significantly towards our wellbeing. And when these relationships turn toxic or break, it not only creates pain, they can also change us forever. And if these doors to happiness can be fixed with a few nuts and bolts, you must dive right in! It is time to take charge and heal yourself so that these experiences can help you evolve as a person and take you to the next level.
Here are 3 ways you could begin to resolve relationship problems.
Gain Clarity: Objectively understand what the problem is. The problem is never you or the other person. Look at the Problem as a separate entity, a third party in this equation. Lean into the problem and see what it is trying to communicate? What is causing stress in the relationship?
Reflection: Ask yourself how much do you value this relationship and how is it contributing to your life. It would help to understand what this person means to you and how important is this relationship in your life. Clearly, in Priya’s case, it is one of the most important relationships and she needs to act fast to address it. Evaluate how you are showing-up in this relationship. It takes two for a tango, you see! You could have been busy with the new assignment at work or there is another priority that has come-up that needs your attention. Either way, it would help you to bring your awareness to your contribution to the relationship and the amends you need to make.
Mindful Communication – Very often, people are stuck at this point – Communication. Observe how you are communicating in this relationship which includes both verbal and non-verbal expression. While at it, consider what is that you are not communicating. Suppression will only add to the stress. Those uncomfortable feelings and thoughts are going nowhere. By suppressing, you are just brushing them under the carpet. Open and honest communication will help you to come-up with the necessary action plan to heal the relationship. Communicate Mindfully!
CRM is the building block in maintaining great relationships. Once you get these fundamentals right, you will be able to navigate through the most uncomfortable emotions and difficult conversations with ease. Read the success stories here.
Try it to know it!